peeling the pieces one by one

continuation.....

2007-03-14T16:53:00.000-07:00

so I wanted to make it a full 12 weird things about me....
and came up with 4 more :D

4 more weird things about me:
9. I like the smell of freshly cut grass.
I remember I used to smell it a lot while I was in Canada. Well, the reason because they have front and backyards in their houses. And they have to mow the lawn frequently. In Malaysia, I don't smell the scent that often anymore. The front yards in Malaysia are mostly tiled. And people don't usually mow their own lawn on the weekends. Well.....except for my father la. Anyways, the scent reminds me of Canada. And the vague memories that I have.

10. I used to be scared of mannequins.
I had a nightmare when I was really young, I was under 6 I think. I dreamt that mannequins were in my house and they were chasing me around the living room. No one could stop them, not even the police. Until my dad came back from work and they stopped. My hero. But it had already scarred me for life. And sometimes I still imagine them looking at me in the corner of their eyes.

11. I talk in my sleep.
Actually, I think this is really common among people. I grumble, shout, scold, laugh....recently I made a joke in my sleep. Well, this was during the trip in Salzburg. We shared the same room. And my friend woke up because she heard me talking. Apparently, I was making a joke but she couldn't understand it because I was mumbling. The weird thing about it is that while I tend to talk in my sleep, my brother walks in his sleep. Hee....wierd heh??

12. I have deja-vu's once in while.
Do you ever have these moments where you've seen it happen before. Like a 6th sense. Sometimes, I have really weird dreams that aren't interesting at all and very random. Like once, I dreamt that I was washing vegetables with my mum in a place that I didn't recognise. And after a few years, it actually happened, in my new house. And another time, I dreamt that I was in a room with people that I didn't recognise. It was a classroom and we were waiting for the teacher. And it happened the other day. The people were the ang moh's in my class now.... But seriously, it all seems really familiar when it happens. I kinda remember distinctly who was talking and what they were wearing. spooky yea....

So there u go...all 12...

TAGGED TWICE!!!!

2007-03-11T14:53:00.000-07:00

The title says it all.....i got tagged TWICE by 2 different people but with the SAME tag. I can't think of 12 weird things. This is all I've got....here goes...

8 weird things about me:

1. If there's a movie that I like, I can watch it over and over again.
I'm not joking here. I AM capable of watching it over and over and over again. My highest record would be 'A Walk to Remember'. Can't really tell you how many times I've watched it because when it reached the 17th, I gave up counting. I would say....23, give or take. Call me crazy....but I love the show. Oh and for 'The Mummy Returns', it's 13 times, I think.

2. I can hyperextend my thumb a LOT.
Pictures say thousands of words.

3. I realize I tend to cross my legs when I'm standing sometimes.
I just do it for no apparent reason. It's kind of a habit. But I don't really think it's good for my knees though. Wait, maybe that's why I have knee pains. I'm twisting it too much. Hmm....I'm thinking like a physio already. hahaha.....

4. I was long sighted (LOU FAH) when I was 9 years old.
Yea, I got tested at Uncle Yee Khiam's shop and they said I was long sighted. Apparently, my eyeballs didn't grow at the same rate as my body, so they were a tad bit small. But they said not to worry because they'll catchup. How weird...Anyways, it wasn't too serious, so it didn't really affect me even if I didn't wear my glasses which were granny specs I tell you.

5. I used to have a twin tooth.
A twin tooth is 2 teeth conjoined together, inseparable, stuck to each other, grow together. You get the point. Anyways, my teeth used to be so screwed up. One of my screwed up milk teeth refused to come out (there were a lot more of these) even though my adult tooth was growing behind it and guess what they were TWINS. So it's like, buy 1 get 2. This caused a lot of problems and eventually I got them extracted and had braces.

6. I have a deformed last toe.
Another picture to tell the thousand of words.

7. I can put my feet behind my head, btw I'm not a gymnast.
I tried it out when I was young. It manage to stay there. I don't think I can do both at the same time now. I've gotten stiff but I think I can manage one at a time.

8. I can rotated my head.
Okay, it doesn't sound as gross and horrifying as you think. I can't turn my head 360 degrees, that's different. I can rotated it while still looking in front. You know how you do the indian thing with your head from front to back and side to side. Well, one day I got bored and decided to put the 2 together. and wahla....:) but now more people can do it already.

That's all I've got 8 of 'em.
Try not to look at me weird the next time you see me k??....
Oh yea...I choose not to tag anyone because there's no point.
It's either they've done it or they don't read my blog so.....

Have a nice one ppl!

Rejoice!!!

2007-03-08T14:47:00.000-08:00

Rejoice and be glad, people! because I am finally updating :)

I just got back from fellowship and today I took a very BIG step for me in my life.
I worship-lead for the FIRST time. yesh....first time!!! eventhough I've been worship singing for, I would say, ages.
It wasn't perfect so to say BUT that doesn't matter because worship doesn't have to be perfect.
It's suppose to be ALL about God. And it was.
After all, it's my first time, mistakes are allowed.
Overall, I'm pleased.

I'm learning about asthma now in this part of my course.
And it's very interesting for me.
I was an asthma sufferer myself.
There was this lecture where they showed us a clip of a man having COPD (really bad lung disease), and it was as if he was having an asthma attack. And suddenly, sitting in my seat, I started breathe like him. The memories of an asthma attack flooded back. It seemed like I was reliving the experience.
I knew it was PURELY psychological.
And it was a battle of the will of the mind.
It's amazing how the mind can play tricks with the body.

A few weeks back, during Sunday service, my pastor brought up about LOVE.
About pure love is love that doesn't expect love in return.
Meaning if someone loves another and doesn't expect the same feeling in return, that would be pure love.
But just think about it, to love someone in that way is harder than you think.
I mean, sure, it's easy to love someone who loves you back, but to love someone who doesn't reciprocate?? not as easy i think....
I guess pure love = unconditional love then right?
To love someone with no strings attached.

I desperately need a haircut la...
My hair is so out of shape.
Everytime I get out of the shower and dry my hair....it goes POOF!!!
Poofy hair....
When I get back, the firt thing I wanna do is cut it....and then colour it!!!
hee......

Okay now....Imma go to sleep now....toodles~

the more insightful post

2007-02-11T15:12:00.000-08:00

I've been hooked on youtube for a while now and I just realized there are videos of Hillsongs and Planet Shakers as well. I've always wondered how it's like and imagined it in my head.
It's more amazing than I imagined it to be. Just to see thousands upon thousands worshipping God is mind-blowing. And how everything sounds perfect, looks perfect. And it's not really about how good the music is or how 'chun-ted' the musicians are or how catchy the tune is. Even if it's just voices or just the piano playing, it can still be amazing worship. Everyone lifting up their hands and voices towards God, just to get a touch from Him. It would be enough. It would be enough for them to go back to the world and face whatever comes. The moment when everyone is unified in one voice, one mind worshipping the Only One. It seems so natural, so pure, so beautiful. What we were created to do. And I got all this from a youtube clip. I can't imagine the real thing. I managed to worship God sitting in front my laptop. With tears blurring my vision. Just taking it all in. It got me wondering how worshipping in heaven would be like. It's all we're gonna do, day and night, worshipping God. A never ending high praise session. Everything will be perfect. The greatest music you can imagine. The vast multitudes singing and praising Him. No one complaining about the worship, whether it's too loud, or too fast, or too slow, or too many new songs, or too many hymns because everything will be perfect. Everyone worshipping, not caring about what others think because the only audience is God. But the best thing about it is that He will be with us. We will not just have a touch. We'll be with Him for eternity. I can't wait. I'm so excited. Don't take it the wrong way, I'm not suicidal. I'm just looking forward to meet God face to face. To worship Him day and night. It's gonna be so coool.....=D

NOTHING, NADA, KOSONG

2007-02-10T04:35:00.000-08:00

My exams are finally over. Handed the assignment in yesterday.
So my coursemates and I decided that we should go have some fun.
LASER QUEST.......
So we hopped in one of their cars and drove all the way to Didsbury.
It was freezing outside. My ears almost dropped off.
We didn't really know where it was so we asked around and guess what?!?!
IT SHUT DOWN sometime ago.....SHUCKS!!!!
Anyways, we went into the arcade area with the bowling alley and they wanted to bowl instead. I hate bowling. because I suck at it. Somehow, my ball is always attracted to the 'longkang'. And I always come out of the game with a sour face. So, to spare everyone from having to stand my sourface I have decided NOT to play. I mean, I don't mind watching others. I'm cool with that.
But just to our luck, there wasn't another alley open until 10 pm. So in the end we played pool, all 8 of us. yeap.....
And I sooooooo SUCK at pool. I totally missed the white ball (mind you the one that's closest) TWICE!!! Gosh.....I made a fool out of myself. So, now I have decided NOT to play pool either :) to spare me the humiliation.
Ooh...but I like air hockey!!! yea...so fun. But then everytime after a few rounds my arm gets really sore. But what the heck, although I don't win most of the time, I get to score a few points...right dear?! hahaha....

ok...I had nothing to write for this post. NOTHING, NADA, KOSONG....but i promise the next post will be more insightful (at least more than this one) i think.....so until my more-insightful-post.....take care ppl!!!

2007-01-16T09:49:00.000-08:00

It's not really goodbye....

It's just...see you on skype later...

2007-01-06T04:09:00.000-08:00

hee........

MaMa's coming to visit!!! this Friday.....hee......

I'm a happy girl :D

More to life

2007-01-03T19:10:00.000-08:00

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let go

[Chorus]
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
I'm wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
I'm wanting more

I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more

Stacie Orrico- (There's gotta be) more to life

Someone take me home...pleeeaaasssse

2006-12-31T09:49:00.000-08:00

Happy very belated Christmas and new year everyone!

I'm feeling really homesick right now. I was just looking at the photos on people's multiply and realize I'm missing out on sooooo much. I heard that Impact camp was a blast and the Christmas play looked really great, heard the choir was awesome! (way to go guys!), saw pics of the Christmas service which looked really special and I was just told by Kerry that they're all having a sleepover in Keshia's house. As for me, there was no camp although I did go travelling to Prague, Vienna and Salzburg. Spent my Christmas up in the Alps and other places, didn't really celebrate it though. And for new year's eve, I'm sitting alone in my room blogging about how homesick I am. Okay so maybe some will say, " hey, you get to go to the Alps man, where there's snow. a white Christmas!" well, it's just not the same.

I mean, in movies, Christmas is always about spending time with family and friends. As Christians, it's about celebrating God's greatest gift to mankind, our Lord Jesus Christ. I kinda had none of these for Christmas this year, I wasn't surrounded by family and all my close friends are not around, there were no Christmas hymns, no church, no sermon.

At this moment, if I was in Malaysia, I would be in church listening to testimonies, waiting for the countdown. Probably after that, go for mamak and then head towards Keshia's for the sleepover. Buuut....no, I'm in my room, waiting for time to pass, imagining what everyone would be doing back at home, trying to sleep it off, waiting for my flatmate's call for dinner. And then, head back to my room I guess.

I feel so left out. =( I wanna go back home!!!!!!!!!

spare tendons anyone?

2006-12-11T15:13:00.000-08:00

okay so get this, i found out something interesting about myself today. i am not as evolved as i should be (as a human). uh huh....my lecturer enlightened us during our skills session today. let me enlighten you as well. you see,

that arrow pointing there, well, if i'm advanced as i should be, that tendon there shouldn't exist. yesh...the presence of that twangy tendon means i still have a bit of 'ape' in me. the apes have that to aid them when they climb trees and grab onto branches. haha...i bet everyone who's read up to this point are checking their wrists. my lecturer told me that 1 out of 3 people are more 'advanced'. but she also said that these 'ape'-like humans are lucky enough to have spare tendons in case any of the others go wrong. after a surgery and we're brand new unlike those without spares. muahahaha.....

Who's laughing now???

2006-12-09T04:42:00.000-08:00

so i've uploaded pics of the Christmas Ball as i have promised...check it out at zuoen.multiply.com k....

i'm kinda still recovering from that night. not that i got drunk and a hangover the next morning. but because i was dancing next to the speakers and lost my hearing partially. now i've got this toopid buzzing sound in my ears and sometimes i can only hear people mumbling. hopefully, this impairment won't be permanent.

so 1 week more to go, to be exact 3 uni days left and i'll be off to austria...yippee!!! can't wait to do something different for a change. i've got this presentation on wednesday though. hmm...after that i'd be able to relax a bit more. but i have a feeling that next year's gonna be busy for me. assignments, practical exam, written exam, presentations etc.... but what the heck...enjoy the moment i have now right...:)

so this year is the first year i'll be spending Christmas without my family. yup....feels a bit lonely. i won't be waking up early to rush to church for the Christmas service. i won't be able to watch the play or listen to our church choir. don't know whether i'll be singing carols on Christmas day either. everything's different now. it's gonna be something new for me this year. 2006 is gonna end soon. and honestly, i don't fancy making new year resolutions. but i guess since this is a new beginning for me...maybe i should change that..

2006-11-24T17:44:00.000-08:00

Have you ever done something so bad in your life that you find impossible to forgive yourself? It haunts you at any time of the day. How do you move on after THAT day, that fateful day when you did something so foolish you feel like smacking your head continously until the memory of it comes out? The immediate consequences of your action have already been dealt with and it won't cause anymore problems. But the thought of you letting yourself get into that position, the thought of what effects it would cause if you did the right thing, the thought of those eyes looking at you when you were found 'guilty'....it haunts...it consumes...it takes away the smile you had on your face before you were reminded of that fateful day.

Beelibala...beelibala.....bap...dadadadada

Her escape.

2006-11-15T13:10:00.000-08:00

Angry. Disappointed. Confused. Tired. Victimised. Sad. Helpless. Alone. Frustrated. Misunderstood. Sorry.

She lied in bed. Tears running down her cheeks continuously. The sobs were growing louder. She threw the covers over her head in attempt to muffle those sounds, hoping that her mates wouldn't hear them. She didn't know the reason she was crying. She just felt that way. She couldn't be bothered to figure it out either because she was tired of thinking, prying her brain or heart open. It wouldn't help even if she did so anyway, she thought. It would only cause more pain. She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down. The cries slowly stopped. Her breathing slowly regained normal. She drifted off. It wasn't a dream. She didn't want to dream. It was unconciousness. A way to numb her feelings. Her escape.

2006-11-09T15:55:00.000-08:00

Thought of the day:

Did you know that, in general married men and single women live longer lives compared to single men and married women?

Interesting, no?

2006-10-31T05:04:00.000-08:00

Halloween's here!!!! And everybody's dressed-up to beat each other's costumes, hanging out in parties. Pumpkins, cobwebs and skulls decorated on window sills. But here am I, in my room, studying on Tony Smith's spinal cord injury.......Well, not that I'm complaining :)...hey, i like my room k....(pathetic, i know, say no more...)

On another note, I was thinking about the time when I took part in this festival back in Canada. I was around 5 or 6 when I remember asking my daddy....

Me: Papa, are ghosts real?
Papa: Hmm....spirits are real. and spirits are something like ghosts.
Me: Are you afraid of them?
Papa: No, because I have Jesus and you have Him too.
Me: But i'm still scared of them.
Papa: well, you don't have to. When you see one, just say 'in Jesus' name' and it'll disappear.
Me: really? are you sure? does that work? it'll just disappear like that??
Papa: yeah...it's afraid of Jesus. so by saying Jesus' name, it can't even stand a poke on their forehead.
Me: Hmm....ok. so it's like a secret weapon. I'll use it when I see one.

Well, of course, by God's grace I didn't have to use it. But it's amazing how innocent a child can be yet how strong is their faith in God. Jesus' said, "you will never enter into God's kingdom unless you enter it like a child."

replies...

2006-10-31T04:54:00.000-08:00

argghh...i don't know what's freakin wrong with my tagboard....can't seem to post any messages there....so i'll post them here instead okie??

rach: u sure ah?? it's sugar_sheldon@hotmail.com if not maybe u could gimme urs instead :)
poon: hee...thx...but i think this maybe temporary again...haha....my cousin's gonna design a template for me :)
keshia: u want pics of the coat?? it's nothing special wor....hmm.....i need to get batteries for my cam first...then i'll take okie??

2006-10-27T16:40:00.000-07:00

I'm borrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been cooped up in the room for far too long!!!!!!!!

Arrghh....i think i'm turning into a beast......*deep breath*

Buuuutttt...it's gonna change because....i'm going out tomorrow...yeap!!

I am gonna get a new coat, something that'll actually keep me warm but not too warm.
And then....I am gonna watch a movie with my course mates....yup, my 1st time here actually XD

The weather is so depressing here. It's either gloomy or worse raining.

ooh....Halloween's coming up soon. hmm....but I have nothing to dress up as....should've brought my pointy witch hat and black cape...shucks!!...oh well...don't know whether I'll be celebrating it.

hmm.....I should be sleeping right now......

2006-10-26T15:40:00.000-07:00

For all the times we have taken each other for granted,
for all the silly misunderstandings between us,
for all the heartache we faced in the last 3 years,
for all the problems and obstacles we went through,
for all the fun and laughter shared together,
for all the crazy things we talked about when we ran out of topics,
for all the friends we made together....

I'm missing you....

2006-10-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

Heehee...hoohoo...lala....

I'm feel plain silly right now. Don't know why.
Still don't know what to blog about. So don't be surprised if this post seems random. I'm updating because of a friend's request. :)

I went for the aerobics class yesterday. At first, I thought, "What? this is it? Will I really break into sweat? I hope I didn't just waste my 1 pound 80." You bet I was proven wrong. My quads are really starting to ache. But not too bad compared to the time when I went on the extreme diet and exercise programme. I'm alright. Hehe, might be joining belly dancing next week. It'll be interesting. But we'll see how it goes.

You know what I've found amazing since I've been here? That people actually hold the door for you. Really, they do. Even if you're maybe a couple yards away, they'll wait for you. Okay, I know it's only a small gesture but, to me, it speaks volumes. So, a few of them maybe cocky sometimes but they're still polite. I have some getting used to. A couple of times I forgot to hold the door and I felt really bad because to them I may have slammed it in front of their faces. :P

Doodaa....dee.......

I miss the smell of my bedsheets at home. I can't really describe it. But they smell like me I guess. Since I've been here, my sheets have a different smell. It smells like passion fruit. Why you ask? Because I put on the body shop lotion, the one with the passion fruit in it before I sleep. And now, it smells just like it.

Ughh...my hair looks quite bad now. All poofy and hay-wired. Yup, I'm tying it from now on.

Bloo.....blagh...I'm running out of things to write.

Assignment due in 2 1/2 weeks. Just to give you guys a taste of what I'm studying:

Consider the following sequence of activities:

The subject is positioned in supine lying
Keeping the whole lower limb straight, the subject raises their left lower limb so that the heel is 30 cm above the plinth
The subject holds the lower limb in this position for 5 seconds
The subject then returns the lower limb to the starting position

For each stage of this sequence of activities, explain the role of:
1. the musculoskeletal system including reference
to biomechanical principles

2. the nervous system in performing this sequence of activities

It's suppose to be 8 pages/2000 words long. And I haven't officially started yet. So, wish me luck!!!

Okies...me out of juice now...
So till next time, tata~

So far away, so far away, been for away for far too long

2006-10-08T13:40:00.000-07:00

It still feels like I don't belong here.
It feels like I'm having a long trip away from home and I'm just waiting to go back.
Still not really enjoying overseas life yet. Just living everyday as it is. My social life hasn't been that great either. Gotta get out and do some activities. Hee...maybe I'll take aerobic classes. Haha....but havta get sport shoes first. :)
But so far, nothing interesting. Sometimes I wonder,
is this it? Is this what studying overseas is all about? Hmm....maybe I haven't been here long enough yet. Well, it's only been a month. We'll see how it goes.

***Miss you so much.***
***Reminded everyday of your absence***
***Wish you were here to share the experience.***

*_*

**Keshia!!! I miss singing with you!!! :P**

2006-09-27T13:44:00.000-07:00

So it's getting better day by day. It's a slow, painful process of getting used to things around but I'm doing ok. I have a group of friends in Uni now, so I think. Stacey, Andrea and Hannah. Stacey and Andrea are black and Hannah's white. Hannah's super tall, she's like 6 foot 2. Stacey, Hannah and I are in the same tutorial group so we pretty much stick to each other a lot. Andrea's in another group but sometimes our groups combine. Classes have already started and I now regret selling my books away after A levels. I can still use them. But what's done is done. The lessons are quite interesting for my course. We have the main lectures in the theatre and then we have small tutorial groups and also practical skills lesson. So, it's hardly boring because of the variety in teaching. Each of us has a personal tutor, like a mentor kinda thing which is really good. My personal tutor is Daphne Dawson. She's very motherly, haha, and helpful and patient. She guided me about the occupational health check up which I'm doing on Tuesday. Hopefully, I won't get lost and end up in I-dunno-where.

It's really amazing. Just now when my flatmates and I were eating dinner, we started talking about the day in the airport. I still remember it very clearly. All the emotions playing with my head. The uncertainty that was so immense. But it seemed so long ago when it had only been 2 weeks. I still miss home a lot where everything was easy and at hand, where I felt secure, where I felt accepted for who I am, where the familiarity was assuring. But I'm coping. Day by day. Maybe that's why it seems so long ago. But I'll never forget.

It can't get any worse. ya think?

2006-09-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

Things haven't been going very smoothly. Monday came and it all went downhill .I went to my first class. There was about 120 students and I was the yellow-skinned there. I mean all of them were ang-moh's. I felt quite alone that day. When I came back to my room, looking at all the memoirs from Malaysia, couldn't help but wonder whether I made the right choice to come. I was missing home and tears just rolled down my cheeks continuously. Thinking that it couldn't get any worse, I was wrong. The department wouldn't issue my student card because they can't confirm that I've paid my fees and I'm like'WHAT?!' And the lady was that patient with me either, probably because I from overseas. And so she tells me to that she doesn;t have the time to check for me but when she does she'll tell me. And without my student card I can't borrow any books. Then, on the second day, I find out that I have to do a health assessment in Northern Manchester General which I have no idea where it is. And I have to complete a health questionnaire with the signature of my GP. And Uncle Ben's in MAlaysia. They tell me I have to do it as soon as possible and if I don't do it in time I won't be able to do clinical placements. I don't have a fax machine and I don't have a scanner so how am i suppose to send it back to Malaysia?? By snail mail??It would take too long. So i panicked with everything toppling over me and mind you I was alone in all of this. I was so stressed out. I felt like going back home but of course that wasn't an option. Soon, me eyes were getting really small while the bags underneath them were getting bigger. I thought I could handle everything but I felt like I was going through a nervous breakdown. So I, finally, called my parents and they called the international office. And now they're getting everything sorted out for me. But It's not like my problems will disappear but at least now I have a clearer picture of exactly what I have to do to proceed. It's during this time that I learn to really depend on God. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you, He will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deut 31.6) The bible versus that I got from my survival kit is really helping me survive during these times. Thanks guys.

a new beginning

2006-09-15T16:22:00.000-07:00

It's now 12.20 am saturday in Manchester.
Hi peeps!!!
This is my third day here and i feel it's getting better by the day.

Everything was so gloomy on the day I left. Sitting on the plane, feeling very much alone and looking very much depressed. I had to slap my face a few times so that I wouldn't be picked for a health check at the immigration. After, let see...hmm....15 hours of flight time we finally reached Manchester. After that we were sent to our halls to get settled in. Then, we went on a shopping trip to buy all the essentials. 6 of us spent altogether 140 pounds which is quite a lot of money even here. The cashier felt the need to check the authenticity of the three 50 pound notes by tearing them. Really, she teared them. The next 3 days are the orientation programme. We sat in the lecture theatre listening to talks on different stuff. And then, we went touring around the city. Today, we went Cheshire about 1 hours drive from the city. We have another campus there. At night they organised some Irish song and dance for us to mingle with each other and have some fun. I wanted to join but the group I mix with ain't that sort of people. Not so sporting. But then seeing that I was so bored, Darren came to ajak me to join them instead. So I did get to dance but then I fell in the middle of the dance floor because there were so many people pushing each other and I was the victim. But I was okay :) Tomorrow, I think we'll be heading to Alton town, if i'm not mistaken we visiting a theme park. So that should be fun. hmm...yup
I'm still very much worried when my term begins. I don't know what to expect. So far, I haven't met anyone whose doing the same ccourse as me. That means I'd be surrounded by ang moh's. I think I'd feel quite intimidated my them. Hopefully, they're not what I expect.

Loved by so many

2006-09-10T10:58:00.000-07:00

It was a blast. It's been quite sometime that I've felt so important and so loved in my life. I was extremely touched to see so many people come just for me. It has never occured to me that I'm worth that much others. Sometimes I think people are just polite to me. But now I know better :)Thanks so much to those who put in the effort in doing this for me especially Kerry, Cicak and Der Lyn. I know it wasn't easy putting everything together, calling up everyone, getting the scrapbook done, buying balloons and everything. And with your busy schedules I bet it didn't help at all. But I just want u guys to know that I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. To those who helped in anyway from just appearing at the party, to making a phone call, to staying up late to finish my present, to lending us your house.....U guys have no idea how much it means....THANKKIEW SOOOOO MUCH!!!!

I'm gonna miss everyone so much. I'll be so alone. With no one to go with and no one whose already there. Starting afresh where I'll have to do everything on my own from opening bank accounts to doing my laundry. So many people have asked me the question of whether I'm excited to go abroad and I still feel tongue-tied in answering them. Honestly, I don't know how I'm feeling. It's all jumbled up in one big jumble-up. So I'm gonna try to break it down. I feel or I would feel excitement, fear, loneliness, independant, foreign, lost, not ready, heavy-hearted, unsure....etc. Let's just put it that I don't that positive about going abroad by myself. But no matter how much I think I'm not ready, this is the time for me to fly out of my little nest bringing along the memories of my loved ones and everything that I've learned. and of course the time for me to return will come soon and I'll be carrying even more back to my nest.

2006-08-08T04:03:00.000-07:00

I got my results yesterday. Am really happy about it. Didn't think I did that well in the exam actually but God is good and He gave me what I didn't deserve. Or at least that's what I say. Thought that I would be more thrilled when I glanced at that sheet of paper. Hmm... Guess I'm not as expressive as I thought I'd be. I REALLY am happy but my face doesn't show it that's all. Oh well, my dad thinks I could have done better. I sincerely think he's disappointed. Yea, for those who know my results I bet you guys are like WHAT?! What more does he expect? Not good enough ah??!! Well, that was my response. I'm kinda having a 'cold war' with him. Having the sticking-tongue-out kinda feeling. With the sound and special water works and all. *snap back to reality* So I'm qualified to get into MMU now. It's confirmed. Yup, September 12. My birthday. Yes. I know. Throw me a pity party.

2006-08-01T07:56:00.000-07:00

So yes, I haven't been blogging lately and I'm not gonna lie.
I'm just plain lazy. There's nothing worth blogging about. Nothing.
I apologise to those who have been disappointed everytime they visit my blog.

I got accepted to Daisy Bank Hall, my Hall of Residence in Manchester.
Time is certainly ticking faster than I thought or wish.
Sob.

2006-07-17T07:55:00.000-07:00

I can't describe what I'm feeling.
It's complicated and ridiculous really.
It's actually wrong for me to feel this way.
I have no right.
But I'm not the only one.
Yup, there are more of us.
More people who are bothered by them.
Who feel disgusted by them.
Who have no right to feel this way but we do.

Blagh.....I don't know what to write anymore.

Please excuse my cunfusing post.

Dreams

2006-07-04T07:30:00.000-07:00

We've been taught to dream big for ourselves since a young age. Okay, maybe not everyone dreams big and is able to live the dream. But there are certain expectations in life. Standard expectations. Expectations that become a way of living. Like getting good grades so that we can get a job earn good money and have a good career and then marry the love of your life, have the most adorable children in the world, grow old and let your children take care of you and lastly, die at a good old age. So what if something happens along the wayin your life and your dreams are forced into storage and pad-locked away? I'm talking about the standard things in life like the ones listed. What happens then? I've been hanging out in EIP and these thoughts have been popping in my head. I see the children who walk in with their parents holding their hands. Some of them not so fortunate to be able to walk. Those kids are so dependant on their parents. Every step of the way their parents are with them. I can only imagine the heartache their parents face when times get rough. The frustration. The disappointment. I bet they had so many dreams for their children. The same they had for themselves. Just to be able to go to the toilet by themselves or to school to learn with normal kids, have sleepovers with friends, go out to amusement parks. These things become almost impossible let alone getting good grades, get a job and in turn taking care of their parents when the time comes. I'm sure the parents never signed up for this, all the heartache and all. In the process, they had to give up their dreams for themselves and for their children. Everything. Can you imagine that? Really, just take a moment and put yourself in their shoes. You'll never get to hear them express their gratitude towards your love for them. You'll never know whether they'll be able to take care of themselves when you're gone. You'll never get to understand them as fully as possible. All you want for them is to be normal functioning beings whereas parents with normal children want them to be extraordinary. See the diff? These things come so easily to parents with normal children. And even for me, whose not a parent, can feel grateful and fortunate. I guess these 'special' parents don't have to give up their dreams for themselves or their children, they just have to make new ones.

emo-ness

2006-06-30T09:41:00.000-07:00

Toopid Limewire cannot download anything. Chris came over and tried to fix it but it's so so stubborn that it refuses to budge. I can't download 'Leave the pieces' into my mp3. Been tring for past few hours. dumbass. yes, joanne's emo right now. she doesn't know why but she is. Maybe it's the toopid sunburns on her shoulders. Itching and itching away. It looks like dandruff when she shakes it off. Instead of being outside of the t-shirt, it's inside. The fresh skin is so pinkish and tender. Hmm...So why is Joanne emo? Maybe its because 'someone' hasn't visited in quite a while. Hormonal inbalance could be the culprit. Or maybe it's because her IELTS results are coming out tomorrow. She'd better get at least 7 in all the areas. Hmm...*blink blink* nah.....I don't think so.
Germany is now tied with Argentina. 1-1. Yea. Joanne supports Germany although the only player she knows is Michael Ballack. It's actually because of toopid Maradona. Is that how you spell his name? dunno la... Hand of God my foot!!! How dare he man!! Anyways, I guess you can say she only supports Germany because she anti-Argentina. I know it's been so long and we should let go of the past. But still!!!! Well yea, she's hoping Germany will win la although the toopid referree is siding Germany. Hee...
Joanne needs her sleep now to lower her emo-level. Yup.
Nitez darlings.

2006-06-23T02:22:00.000-07:00

YAAY......
i'm goin to redang tonight.....
yesh....aim is to get a tan, a nice dark tan...and then get sunburn when i come back ...hee :P
ooh...i haven't packed yet.....
ciaoz!

the clinic

2006-06-19T06:28:00.000-07:00

okay...i gt excuse for not blogging regularly yea....
my internet connection has failed me again.yes it has...
i'm actually in my cousin's place taking advantage of her wireless connection :)
so yea...my entries may not be so regular until the connection is fixed.

so the Medical, Legal and Conseling clinic took place yesterday.
I was again volunteered by my mom to help out.
I was in charge of the registration counter. I have to say I like registering people.
It's quite fun, smiling, writing people's names down and all.
But sadly, it wasn't not fun all the time. I think all of us had in mind that this clinic thingy was supposed to be an act of community service. Something positive. Well, I guess some of us had higher expectations. They were people who were not-so-nice and not-so considerate la. Some of them were just plain selfish. And the mind-boggling part of it is that these people are our own church members. They act as if they were paying us and demanding for first class service. I mean, c'mon la, this was supposed to be community service. Well, i'm not asking them to be like really grateful, thanking people and all. But maybe a bit of consideration at least??? What happened to the fruit of the Spirit? especially PATIENCE? But again, it's really not for me to judge. Really. Of course, not all of them are like that. Some of them were not-so-pissed at us when we had to tell them that the specialists can't see them. All in all, I think people did benefit from it la. I mean it is after all it is meant to bless the community. We have a lot of areas to improve the whole system the next time we have this event. I don't know whether we will organise it again though after all the heartache and energy we have to put into. Maybe the church wouldn't think it practical if we do it again. or maybe they would. hmm....

I guess that's all for today la. My laptop's running out of juice now.
Cheers~

post a levels

2006-06-12T06:10:00.000-07:00

Let's see.....I don't really know what to write actually.
So much has happened and I don't know where to start ....plus I'm quite lazy right now.

The idea that I have finished my A Levels hasn't really sunk into my head. It's quite surreal. My graduation ball was last friday. I wore this strapless black-laced gown that falls to my toes even with 3 inched heels, inside a silky layer that reached until my knees. My dear cousins weijie and munyee did my make-up. I looked so good was because of you guys. My charming date wore a black collared shirt on with a silver tie. The ball was suppose to start at 6.30 but my dear Pei Chii held the tickets so we had to wait for her. She on the other hand had to fetch 4 friends all whose houses were scattered across PJ. Guess what time we actually entered...8.30!!!! So we took our seats and the night began. It was really glamorous. Everyone was dressed up in make up and suits. Most of the time we were taking pictures with friends and watched performances by bands. I was quite worn out by the end of the day and didn't stay long. I heard them talking about going clubbing but didn't really interest me partially because I was so tired.

So now what I have in mind of doing is going on a trip with my mates hopefully to Redang. and then I'll be helping out in Bridges EIP for a while. and then of course shopping and getting ready for the move. ooh....I have to sell my books too. and clean my room. and go to camp. and what else?? that's all i can think of right now.

8 things about my Perfect Lover
i'm writing this against my will. this is quite awkward since my dear dear is gonna read this but i have to honour the tag by keshia. so dear, if u read this, it's nothing serious yea...just having fun.

1. God-loving
2. a good sense of humour but knows when to stop joking
3. sensitive but not excessively
4. taller than me with broad shoulders
5. speaks his mind but listens when it's my turn
6. protective but careful not to be overboard
7. supportive but knows to tell me when it's not a good idea
8. must adore family be it his own, mine or ours

it's not in any particular order and it's just for fun :)

Patience is a virtue

2006-06-10T07:29:00.000-07:00

Hokay people.......
Me coming back soon yea......Patience la
Gimme couple of days to sort out what I wanna write.....
My laptop's down so I have to share with my brother....
Hmmpph.....
Pictures of my prom coming out soon too so check it out on my multiply....

34th

2006-05-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

A single rose marks our 34th.
Love u lots, dear.

God I like day dreaming.
=)

For the first time when I looked into your eyes

2006-04-28T09:44:00.000-07:00

My mind, recently, has been flooded with thoughts of love relationships.
Scenarios of difficult situations and how love prevails keep playing and replaying in the back of my mind. This is all blamed because I have just watched the movie 'The Notebook' (I know I'm behind time) for like 3 times this week. (I'm sure those who've watched it agrees that it was a terrific love story.) And also, I've been reading a lot of love stories written by fans of the 24 series. If this keeps going on, I'll be in big trouble.

It kept me thinking whether we have lost the passion for each other. Don't get me wrong we love each other very much. But somehow, it doesn't seems as 'fiery' as described in the stories and how it used to be when we first started. I mean ,in the fictional stories, the love described is endless and and passionate. It never gets old and boring. It seems so fantasied and fairytale-like.

So, we talked about it. And we came to a few conclusions. First, comparing your love life to a fictional love story ain't the best idea. why? It's FICTIONAL. Haha, advice to those gals out there: Try not expect your guy to be like Landon in 'A Walk To Remember'. It's very pressuring and seems impossible for them to meet the standard. And it just might wreck the relationship. But then again, they just might surprise you once in a while. I think surprises are always better than disappointmets.

Second, our relationship lost its so-called passion mainly because, in my opinion, it has been so stable all along. Compared to the stories we read, we hardly go through emotional roller coaster rides. For example, she being kidnapped by terrorists and to save her, he would have to commit treason and go to jail for 20 years. Or she thinking that she lost him in an explosion just to find out he was safe after all. All the mixed emotions. All the difficult choices to make. We don't have to face those situation that put us to the test. It's been so easy, so stable.

Thirdly, according to him, we have matured as a couple. I mean, it's been quite a while since we first started dating. 3 years? Yeah, so the excite ment when we first started has pretty much died down. Not because we don't have feelings for each other, just because it has been so long. Little things may not excite us that much anymore maybe because we have grown. For example, a kid would be so excited when his daddy brings him out for ice cream. When he grows older, he doesn't have that excitement of eating ice cream anymore but that doesn't mean that he doesn't love it. Ya get whudda mean?

Hahaha....but this is just our opinions. In the end, we know that our feelings for each other have never changed. Lesson to learn: Joanne should stop reading love stories and watching love movies, if not, Kerry will start having headaches. =)

Oopsy

2006-04-24T02:04:00.000-07:00

Muahahahahaha.........
My lecturer made a mistake.
I did't get an E for Biology.
She mis-calculated by almost 20%.
Okay....I know it's not an A.
Hee.....but at least it doesn't sound so bad.

~Cheers**

the notebook

2006-04-23T09:52:00.000-07:00

You ask me this.
I give you the answer.
You ask me again.
I give you the answer.
I used to think that
you were not convinced
or you thought it too good to be true
or you simply couldn't believe.
'Is it so?', I asked.
You kept quiet.

But now I know.

I know that you would do anything for me.
I know that it would mean the world when you put a smile on my face.
I know that you treasure me more than your own being.
But I needed to know whether you know and believe that I would do the same.

And now I know.

'Do you think our love can do miracles? Do you think our love can take us both away?'
'Our love can do whatever we want it to do.'

-Allie Hamilton & Noah Calhoun

family teaching methods

2006-04-21T02:12:00.000-07:00

Just yesterday my mom, my brother and I were sitting down, chit-chatting.
We were talking about how much my temper actually resembles my mom's.

The other day, Kerry came by to my house for some Stats tuition. hahaha....eh, we really did do statistics k....for 1 1/2 solid hours.
When Kerry left, I wondered whether he really understood what I was saying.
Throughout the 'session', whenever I asked, "you understand ah?"
He just nodded. Later on that night, we talked on the phone. He said I was quite fierce when I was teaching him. That's why he kept nodding.

It takes me back to the time when my mom used to teach Josh and I.
Whenever she taught either of us, it would end in tears. there was once when my dad was teaching me maths. And my mom, ke-po as she was, came in with her own teaching methods. I was on the verge of breaking down in tears until my dad had to chase her out of the room.
Reminiscing back into time, while Josh was probably 4 years old, my mom bought a whole stack of Peter and Jane books for him, all the volumes.
Every night was a torture for him. My mom would scold and scold him for not remembering the words. He would cry and cry and cry.
'This is Peter...*sob sob*....This is Jane....*sob sob*....' It was so funny.
My mom was actually thinking of teaching Sunday School. Hahaha....Luckily for the children, we managed to talk her out of it. We painted a scene for her if she were to teach....Children running out of the class to their moms, crying, "Aunty Weiming scold me because I cannot read the Bible." hahaha....
I do resemble my mom, I think, at least according to my brother. He was once my victim too, also according to him.
well......like mother like daughter lor....XP
what to do? it's in the blood.

Big fat E

2006-04-19T23:36:00.000-07:00

I got a big fat E for Biology.
I've given up on it.
There's no way I can save it now.
E , you know?
As in below 50%.
As in fail.
As in drowned.
As in need to increase effort and improve work habits.
That's a polite way of saying: WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ALL THIS WHILE??!!!!
Sob Sob.......
BIG FAT E for today.

the past 2 days

2006-04-17T06:47:00.001-07:00

so much has happened in the past 2 days.....
kinda lazy to write everything down XP

on saturday we had our first gig outside churchgrounds....
yup....at the TTDI hall thingy.....
we did the song 'Far Away' by Nickelback. I thought we did great. We even had an encore. So, we did another song by Dave Matthews. I didn't know the song though....couldn't join in.
The crowd was great. Before the gig, I had imaginations of them boo-ing us off the stage.
But on the contrary, they cheered. yea...it was great.
oh BTW.....FYI the crowd was as BIG as 20 ppl. hahaha.....gotcha there!hahaha

then on Sunday.......
had breakfast with Shane and Kerry.....
then rushed to church to do hair and make-up.
I got my hair done first....I was horrified.....eeyuck!
Didn't like it at all.....it was huge and messy and so-not-me.
then I got my make-up done.
Everything went well up until offering time.
I guess it was because I wasn't prepared or because we didn't practice enough.
I screwed my part up. It was ugly.
ok.....fast forward to Butterfly.
Everything went well until the 'a-waaay' part. arggghhhh.....i hate that part. I had problems with it from the beginning. while I was approaching that part, in my head, i was like....don't screw this, don't screw this.....and guess what...i screwed it.
haaaaaiiihhh.........how ur mind can play tricks......
The choir was great as usual....powerful and expressive. Jason sang like always.....flawless all the way......Phung gurl...u did awesome....don't be bothered because of the first part because u sang like an angel....Irwin...didn't realize u could sing so well....loved ur expressions....Yee Meng sang like he's done it so many times...Uncle Thomas was like a professional. the four chun chicks( grace, derlyn, su yee and siew pheng) were great....so chuuuuunnnnnnn!!!!!!
And then there's the band........MUAKSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dear,u played so well...and eventho u dropped ur sticks, hardly anyone noticed....Keshia,ur the best and everyone knows it....Poon, u were great and eventho ur mom couldn't hear u...we all could. Shern Ren, u were great too!!Cicak, u played well as usual...heard u did ur solo's....Hui ann and Ruth.....u gals were chun-ted =D and our lovely Evelyn, ur the BOMB!!!!! Everyone agrees!!!!

So that's that....so much for being lazy....heee

heehee

2006-04-13T03:48:00.000-07:00

Something i found in my cousin's blog.......
heehee..........

Joanne, you're most like Susan

Has snooping ever gotten you in trouble? Can't resist good gossip? That's why silly Susan is your desperate housewife match. You've both got hearts of gold and want the best for everybody, and you're not afraid to put yourself in precarious situations to make sure that happens.Through it all, your family is your greatest strength...and you're as much a friend to kids as you are a role model. It might sound silly to some, but your amazing style, fun personality, and wacky ways will help you get what you want. Just make sure you avoid your neighbors' hedges along the way.

Which Desperate Housewife Are You?

Brought to you by Tickle

smile

2006-04-09T06:33:00.000-07:00

Smile......because you have so much to smile for....
=D...........
me happy now....

Jesus take the wheel

2006-04-06T02:47:00.000-07:00

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

Love makes the world go round

2006-04-02T05:36:00.000-07:00

**Faith makes all things possible;
Hope makes all things work:
Love makes all things beautiful**

paintbrush

2006-03-31T09:18:00.000-08:00

I keep my paintbrush with me, wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up, so the real me doesn't show.
I'm so afraid to show me; afraid of what you'll do ,
I'm afraid you'll laugh or say mean things; afraid I might lose you.
I'd like to remove all the layers, to show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try to understand; I need you to like what you see.
So if you'll be patient and close your eyes, I'll remove the coats slow,
Please understand how much it hurts, to let the real me show.
Now that my coats are all stripped off, I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still find me pleasing, you are my friend, pure as gold.
I need to save my paintbrush though, and hold it in my hand,
I need to keep it handy in case someone doesn't understand.
So please protect me, my dear friend, and thanks for loving me true,
And please let me keep my paintbrush with me, until I love me, too.

-Tasteberries for teens

First time I read this poem in this book, I fell in love with it immediately. It spoke a lot of truth about me and still does at times. A lot of people can relate to it. Just remember everyone has their own paintbrush and everyone paints their own portrait. Appreciate when someone peels their coats away.

can you put me to sleep?

2006-03-29T06:26:00.000-08:00

I'm tired...worn out....blaggghhh..................
I wanna sleep and dream sweet ones and never wake up........
I wish I had Piper's powers to freeze time.....for like a whole day.....
and sleep and snore my butt off.........
zzzzzzzzzzzz............................

I'm sick of pure maths......
*vectors*complicated integrations*numerical methods*partial fractions*parametrics*trigonometry*...............................
formulae and numbers and symbols and shortcuts swimming in my head......
and tomorrow the nightmare begins.............

interview

2006-03-27T01:29:00.000-08:00

okie......so i just put down the phone with MMU....
so tired now....haih......

there were 2 ladies who interviewed me.....
had very pleasant voices....very friendly too.....
first they apologised for rejecting me in the beginning....
and said they are reconsidering the application.
then they proceeded to the questions........

1st (million dollar question): why do u wanna take the physiotherapy course?
2nd: what do u know about this course?
3rd: do u know about other courses in relating with this area?
4th: have u had any experience in hospital work?
5th: have u done any work in caring for ppl?
6th: so u said that u help in ur youth group, do u face any difficulties?
7th: ur 18, so the age gap is quite narrow, does this occur to be a problem?
9th: if someone came up to u with shoulder pains, what would u do?
10th: do u do a lot of research in ur studies using the computer?
11th: what do u do when ur not studying?
12th: how do u benefit from these activities?

so the whole interview took about 10-15 mins la.....i feel so drained now....
thx God for everything....i think it went well......they sounded pleased or maybe it's the way they talk....but all in all......i'm happy....
so i'll know whether they accept me in around 2 weeks or less......
haha....thx to my dear dear who sent so many msg to people to pray for me....muaks!!!
and to those who received them and prayed for me......thank u guys so much!!!!appreciate it lots!!!!

anger eats into the soul

2006-03-25T05:13:00.000-08:00

Anger raging through my mind......
I lose control...........
Pain in my soul.........

so pissed.......so so pissed........
fuming mad......
i can feel the tips of my hair sizzling with smoke.....
'chao da' already........
arghh........

doncha wish ur boyfriend was round like me

2006-03-23T04:53:00.000-08:00

i'm so happy my cousin agreed to come with me to band practice and cg....
finally, i feel like i'm doin sth about the Great Commision. Thank God he's open minded and said yes to everything i asked...hee.....hope i didn't come to strong on him.
the funny thing is...among all the cousins i have.....
i am the least closest to him...if those who read my blog frequent remember...
he's the cousin i fetch home from college, the cousin that i least talk to...
it's amazing how God work....how God uses oppurtunities like these...
and how God's work can be done in these circumstances....
i'm so happy....=D......*beams*
just pray that God will work in him tmr ....

To you, Ian, my dearest cousin

2006-03-21T06:47:00.000-08:00

To you, Ian, my dearest cousin,

I miss the days when we went to ballet class together. you were the clown, always doing weird moves and cracking silly jokes. you had so much talent, even skipped a grade. how often do u see a male ballet dancer. I remember the times when we competed with each other how long and straight our splits were. hey....although u were a dancer you were not a bit gay-ish...haha.....but then something happened.

I miss the days when you came to our house in permaisuri to stay overnight and hang with us. Andrea in my room and you in my brother's. we cycled the whole garden and went to the club house to play. Remember the time when my brother's foot got jammed in the tyres? he was crying but u kept on cycling because u didn't understand..haha...what an awful sight...and the kind man in the mercedes took u guys back to the house. my brother still has the scar on his ankle. apart from that, it was so much fun having u guys around. but then something happened.

I miss the days when u came to my church camp. I remember lee su yee calling u the 'leng-chai' or cutie or something along those lines. I still remember the skid u were in. haha....so funny...acting as the leng chai everybody wanted. oh then, on the last night, ur date was rachel lee. i think she was happy with u being her date. i still remember u saying, 'wah...we dress so formal just to be waitors, wiping table and cleaning the plates....' haha....i hope u had fun. but u never came back because something happened.

I miss the days when u guys joined our HF. Remember chris and debra....they loved to have u around. I remember debra saying that u were cute...haha......we use to run around the house, just playing together. aunty christine used to ask about how u guys were doin even after what had happened....they cared for u guys a lot.

what happened? we used to be so tight. now we hardly see each other once a year. i know the answer is because she has left. i've heard these things about you. i don't know whether they're true. i don't want to believe that they're true. we never wanted it to turn out this way. how far we've drifted apart. i'm not even sure i know u now. i went to your house the other day. saw u there. only andrea came to chat with us but u didn't. why? u just stood there like u don't know who we were...........

u and andrea will always have a place in our hearts. we still love u very much no matter what has happened. you're family.

in a split sec

2006-03-14T03:52:00.000-08:00

the most scariest thing happenned yesterday.
my mom came back at 10-ish from work so went down to greet her.
she had just finished her din din and we sat down to chit-chat.
suddenly, she blurted, 'i'm gonna black-out'. i was like 'huh?'
then, she started coughing and hitting her chest like really hard.
she said it might be a stroke. at that moment i couldn't grasp the situation.
i shouted for my dad. he came down and my mom was already having cold sweat and her face was extremely pale. she kept saying that it might be a stroke.
i've never seen my dad so worried. quickly, he called uncle ben.
for a moment, my mom passed out. we tried to carry her to the car but she just couldn't walk.
we laid her on the couch. she started panicking again when she couldn't feel her left arm.
we tried to calm her down. after like 15 mins, aunty amy came.
my mom had already recovered a bit from the black-out but was still feeling oozy.
after several exchange of calls wtih uncle ben who was still working, it seemed to be clear that it was just over-exhaustion. my mom was just too tired.
we prayed and laid hands on her. uncle ben came later just to check her out again. she was ok by then.

my mom was laying on the couch, begging my dad not to leave just in case 'something' happened,
i got kinda scared, if anything happened to my mom now when i just kinda got back on my feet and everything's going fine i think i'll break. fortunately, yesterday wasn't that day. and my mom's doin fine. she's still working though..not back yet and what time is it now?? 9.35pm. yea.....still haven't learn her lesson.

2006-03-13T04:11:00.000-08:00

CONGRATES TO THOSE WHO GOT THEIR SPM RESULTS. TO THOSE WHO ARE PLEASED WITH THEIR RESULTS, SO HAPPY FOR U. TO THOSE WHO AREN'T, IT'S OK. BET U DID THE BEST U COULD. ANYWAYS, EVERYONE WILL FORGET IN 3 MONTHS TIME. SO, IT'LL BE FINE.

pms la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-12T06:38:00.000-08:00

k lah.......i don't feel so bad anymore.
maybe its because of team time today.
or maybe because my parents have persuaded me that its gonna be exciting.
dunno.....maybe both. God uses anything or anyone to speak to us right?
didn't wanna open up at first during team time. but i wasn't the only one..hee....
partly because i was fed up talking about it and also making a big fuss out of it.
and also...if i did share i would have cried and i didn't bring tissue.
so i'll be messy and wet and eeky.........haha....not an excuse la hor....
pms la........that's why so emo.
that's why i look so pale and sleepy.
my dad passed his flu to everyone under the roof.
now i've this stupid running nose and this irritating sore throat.
i think my airway is like half the size as usual.
i need ice cream.........yea ice cream
ooh..........mc flurry................*evil grin*

resonation

2006-03-10T09:06:00.000-08:00

Dreams shatter before my eyes
and i can't seem to catch them in time
before they hit the ground.

It's all so messed up.
First, I get rejected by all 6.
I accepted it. I took it in. I found hope in it.
and now, i get 1 of'em back if i do well in my interview.
It seems as if it's playing with my feelings.
Once i finally start to get excited about something.
It sorta takes it away and hands me something new to handle.
I really don't feel like going there.
u ask for what reason? i don't know honestly.
It doesn't seem valid enough. but there are plenty of reasons to go.
they ask how i feel about going. and then kinda dismiss what i say.
I don't have a choice. at the moment it seems like the ideal.

But is this what God wants for me? Is this what He planned?
If it is i pray that He would grant me peace.
Grant me peace that everything is in plan.
Grant me peace that I would be able to part with the ones i love come Aug/Sep.
Grant me peace that He would be watching over my every step.
Grant me peace that everything is gonna be just alright.

2006-03-08T04:46:00.000-08:00

I wanna be a butterfly,
Flying in the sky
With you, today
I wanna lose this old caccoon
I wanna do it soon,
And fly away, away

=)

somewhere over the rainbow

2006-03-07T02:07:00.000-08:00

I just received a letter from King's College London.........................................................................................................................................................
I didn't get it in. My dad said at least they had the courtesy of writing and explaining that they don't take overseas students.
So....that's all 6. All 6 doors to UK closed. Haih...dunno what to say la.
Mixed feelings inside. Disappointment. Relief. Frustrated. Anxiety.
There's one door left. Australia. Yup.
God has closed the doors to UK, Canada and Ireland.
I'm excited to go to Australia.
If I get into UniSA, I get to leave next year, not so soon compared to UK. I'll get to stay with the band until the end of the year. I'll get to go to camp. I won't be so lonely in Adelaide cuz Myra'll be there.
But nothing's certain yet. So...we'll see.

life is a roller coaster just gotta ride it

2006-03-04T06:48:00.000-08:00

u may disagree when i say that crying is is healthy and we should cry at least once a year.....
i really believed it and still partially do.
but now i've found an alternative.

i woke up this morning and found that my car was missing.
apparently, my dad took it for servicing...and i totally forgot about it.
so when i had to pick it from Chan Sow Lin, i needed to follow the map my mum drew because i don't know how to get back to puchong.
but my sense of direction is so totally zero that i got lost and the clock was ticking, the petrol metre was decreasing(less than 1/2 tank) and my phone was squeling because of low battery.
i went all the way to putrajaya almost hitting cyberjaya.....folks who went to Sharyn's wedding....it was further than that.......yea....i know.....so far k.....i thought i was gonna hit KLIA soon. anyways, i found my way back and headed to Jin's b'day party.
we celebrated it for him in Swenson's and his house.
so much for my diet la.....
but it's all good since i didn't take my dinner. as i'm writing this, my tummy is growling.
we went to JY....and tim came up to me and said that he wouldn't be around for like 1 month plus. and that was during my trials.....
suddenly, everything came crashing on me.....i felt so much weight on my back.
my uni applications, my exams that are just around the corner and i haven't started studying, JY, the band, outings with the BLOGG etc.....
i know they don't seem like super hard to handle....or it nothing to get upset about....
or not worth going through a breakdown
but at that moment it did seem like it was too much for me to cope......of course it showed on my face...i was tired and frustrated.
i needed to cry...to let everything out. so i skipped dinner with my family and stayed home alone. i was about to start my marathon of tears then i thought of exercising. it's a better way to let out. and so i did. and it felt good. maybe better than crying even. =)
and then all of a sudden, the doorbell rang, i opened the door and saw juan carrying his electric guitar, yang carrying the amp, xiong carrying the keyboard, and joshua opening the gate. wei jie and munyee joined a few minutes later.
it was our first ever cousin jamming session. honestly, it was a bit lame but cool at the same time, we played 'open up the gates' eventhough only josh and i were christians heehee.......and then the lamest version of bonjovi's its my life........hey...but it was good fun.....with more practices i know we can do so much better...so all we need now is for han to pick up bass and yang to pick up acustic guitar...hahaha.......
frankly, although it wasn't the best music it definitely healed the heart.
i really needed some pure lameness and fun.....thanks guys.......

so that was my day....full of ups and downs....

there is so much more to life

2006-03-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

my body is aching all over and my tummy is growlng for food.....
i can't laugh, i can't sneeze......it hurts bad.....
u see, i started dieting and exercising for 3 days now
i got a wake up call on monday when i was getting dressed...
i can't fit into my jeans without sucking it all in.....so sad.....
so now...it's no carbo...and 20 mins on the treadmill and 40 sit ups....
40 sit ups and its already killing me.......haih....
jo....must persevere on!!!!XD

so i just kinda came back from prayer meeting.
it was supposed to be ministry night for the baptism candidates and for others if they wanted to be ministered as well.......main focus was the baptism candidates lar.....
i wasn't planning on goin but keshia sms-ed.....so i went anyway.
there were a few of them, not all of'em came but it was ok la......
so during prayer time, i walked up to eunice, wanting to pray for her.
but i am kinda new at intercessing, so didn't really have in mind what i was supposed to pray....
furthermore, i 've never felt comfortable praying in front of ppl......for a lot of reasons.
anyways, i prayed the normal stuff and then from the corner of my eye.....aunty dora was standing next to me...so much for praying in front of ppl.....in front of one of the'big-shot-prayer-warriors'..so i got a bit more uncomfortable but went on....
then i asked eunice whether she wanted to receive the Spirit and she said yes......
by this time, i really didn't know what to pray for so i went back into the past when keshia was praying for me....trying to remember her exact words.......
actually felt kinda stress la....with aunty dora there and being the first time praying for this.
i was closing my eyes when aunty dora reached out and tried to open them for me....i was like 'huh'? why u touching me? i didn't get the message...then she whispered into my ear to keep my eyes open....sorry la....first time ma......
i realized that i have a lot, alot to learn about praying for ppl and intercessing....it was a good experience.....learnt a lot from aunty dora....
so all in all, i was glad that i went tonight.=)

shh....listen to her talk la.....

2006-02-26T05:46:00.000-08:00

okay......
finally i'm happy with the skin i have la.........
won't be changing it soon....heehee......
so nth much is goin on except the band and all.....
last friday was our first practice.
it was suppose to start at 5 but we onli started playing at 6.15-ish..........
yea.....complications of the venue and instruments.
its these little things that can be so discouraging or hurtful....
sometimes we think that these things seems so minor but it may just affect us the most...
i'm not just talking bout the band...but in everything la......
for instance, sisters may stop talking to each other because their maids were having a dispute.
i mean, c'mon, sisters leh......they should be able to put these aside and not let it affect their relationship with each other.
or......auntie getting angry at niece just because she didn't answer the phone properly.....
ok...i think i'm going a bit off course but u kinda get what i mean right.
sometimes we as human as we are tend to assume alot.
i used to tell my mom that she assumes too much and often creates misunderstandings.....
sometimes its best to come clean with each other.....so that little things won't build up inside..later KABOOM!.....
sikit sikit menjadi bukit....okay my malay sucks but at least i know what this means....
but then again, there's always the fear of offending someone or.......not wanting to make a big fuss out of it......but when it reaches to a limit that's unbearable....what r u gonna do??
u can't chuck it in anymore..........

deep-faith-divers

2006-02-23T05:51:00.000-08:00

i didn't feel pretty today.....
don't laugh okay. i'm serious, i said this to pei chii. she looked at me as if i was joking.
i woke up today, late as usual. it seems like a habit now to wake up late.
anyway, just simply put on some clothes and dragged my big bum to college.
didn't really feel good about today. maybe because there's bio lab lesson la...hee(hate bio)
i felt like some big lump of i-don't-know just getting by every minute.
i think everyone needs to feel pretty and good and pretty good at some point about themselves.
most of the time, i do feel okay about myself. i think it's called self confidence.
but don't get me wrong, i'm not a very confident person myself.
u can ask anyone who knows me.
it's not as if i feel like i can take on the world and nothing is gonna put a frown on my face.
but more of knowing that even if i do frown, it'll fade away soon enough.
feeling pretty doesn't mean being vain.
u don't have to BE pretty to FEEL pretty. right??
even if u don't look pretty but u feel it.......the beauty within glows.
so that's why everyone should feel pretty, oh so pretty, feel pretty and witty and gay(happy ah, don't simply think =D)...
haha.....

i was thinking. i really need to practice faith at this point of my life.
first there's my uni applications and second is the band.
both of these things aren't going well at the moment.
for my uni applications, i just have to release everything to God.
praying that He will open the right doors in m life and close all the wrong doors.
having faith that what He's doing in my life is in my best interest.
for the band, it seems that some areas are looking grim.
we are unsure of many things.
not feeling that we are capable of taking on whatever we want to achieve.
not feeling good enough to go out and touch lives.
feeling that we have very limited time to achieve our vision.
issues that need to be resolved in order to keep the band tight.
all that being said, this is the time when we are called to have faith.
being sure of what we don't/can't see.
this is the time when our faith is tested.
us taking this move to form this band is already a leap of faith.
but let's follow through with what we started.
let's not grow faint hearted. we are called to pull through this.
let's be deep-faith-divers.

bummed..

2006-02-21T06:19:00.000-08:00

i'm so bummed out right now.
something is definitely wrong with my laptop.
so frustrated la.....(using dad's now)
another uni rejected me...that makes 4 so far.
told my mum i can't fetch joanna on friday....
why? because of band practice.
which i think my parents feel is not important and a waste of time.
my dad asks why i'm getting myself so involved in church.
having finals in may/june.
he thinks i can't cope.
the only thing i could say to him was, "u trust me or not?"
i think that most of the time i do suprise him with my results.
i don't think he thought i could do well in As.
my parents thought i was fooling around with the wedding and getting hooked on '24'.
but u know what, i did do well.
i think when i popped that question, they could only hush.

people may think we're starting a band for fun.
hey....it's not all fun.
there's so so much to put into it.
-pa....it's not for fun...it's a ministry...it's gonna be under the church....
if everything goes well.....-
having saying that, i do hope everything goes right.
if not, all the talk we had is gonna be bull.
and it's gonna be disappointing and frustrating and.......
let's just hope practice goes well this friday.

Breaking the ice....

2006-02-19T22:53:00.000-08:00

It was a good chat last night.
Really appreciated it that u opened up to me.
Didn't expect to be the one you would call.
But i thank you for that.

Found out about things that i didn't notice before.
Confessed secrets that are hidden within....(it was funny tho....)
Learned about stuff that i don't think i could go through with it.
He couldn';t go through with....
Definitely....i know him....
He would not be able to let go or release.
I think we need to talk to Nick & Olee......

don't look down on me just because i'm yellow......

2006-02-17T00:58:00.000-08:00

i realized that my dad really doesn't wanna send me to australia.....
so weird la........why not??
1st he insisted that i go to UK...but i've been receiving rejections from the unis' there.....
then, he takes me to a Canadian Education Fair....and finds out that they don't receive international students for Physio......
and now, he's checking out Irish education......Uni of Dublin........
haih...........he's so stubborn.........

we hav to jumpstart the band la......so lagging....
everyone's busy with their life....
it sometimes seems like we're waiting for each other to make the move......
we gotta get moving.....one year.....very short time...lots to do......
practices and meetings..........

haih......
just checked my UCAS application, another one rejected me......
that makes 3.....Sheffield Hallam.....Southampton.....and Nottingham.......

would u be my valentine???

2006-02-14T22:01:00.000-08:00

so yesterday was Valentine's Day.....
woke up late....by 10 mins....(somehow 10 mins early morning seems to be quite longer than in the day)
got dressed....wore my pink shrug and a mini denim skirt.....didn't feel quite comfortable but what the heck...it's Valentine's!!and suppose to go out with kerry later.
drove to college....arrived at 7.05......slept in the car until 7.30. got up and walked to college.....
as i walked in, saw ppl trying to sell other ppl roses and chocolates....avoid them as much as possible =P
walked towards the back stairway because it's more secluded.....u see, in taylors, ppl can see up girls' skirts when they walk up the stairs. so i thought, i wanted to avoid as many ppl as i can when i walked up.
i saw this indian guy in front of me walk up the front stairway. as i made my way to the back, i saw him again. i tried to slow down my pace so that he could overtake me and not be behind me....very dangerous. and so he did, he was in front of me.
then, he turned around, looked at me and this was our conversation:

guy: u look very familiar...do i know u from somewhere?
me: i don't think so....(yea right la....'seen me before'....)
guy: oh...maybe its someone elsa la......r u from subang?
me: no......
guy: ic....ermm.....wat course r u taking?
me: a levels.....
guy: r u new???
me: NO...(kept looking down the hall way......was sooosoo near my class and yet so far....thinking wat the heck was this guy getting at...)
guy: er..r u rushing to class???
me: err.....no (thinking it would be too obvious to say 'yes' because all classes start at 8....but soon regretted)
guy: liddat ah.....u wanna get a drink together now?? we can catch up and talk.....
me: (i'm like...WHAT!!!!) No, i'd rather not.....
guy: why not??
( one of my classmate, jian loong, walked passed....tried to signal him to 'save me' but he's so blurr)
me: err....i think it's a bad idea...
guy: erm.....then can i get ur number? so that i can call u up sometime?
me: no.......u can't...
guy: come on.....do u hav a cell phone?
me: no, i don't (clearly was a lie....and he knew it...it was the cue to 'bug off!!!'
guy: erm...nice meeting u then.....
i just walked away without saying anything.

talk bout the 'cheesy'-est lines ever.....blaghh......so disgusting man....so ruined the start of Valentine's....talk about desperation.....eeeeeyyyyyuuuuucccckkkk!!!!!!!!!!

k...that was that.......fast foward to after college.....
rushed back home.....kerry came to my house to pick me up......blindfolded me in the car.......was quite annoyed bout it.....'is it really necessary?'..........hahaha.....the mysterious destination was 'his house'......he wanted me to be the one to open the door....
there on the table was.....a bouquet of roses.....a box of ferrero rocher.......a teddy bear........a funky night lamp......and cutlery.......hehehehe.......he prepared lunch for two.
he went back into the kitchen and i heard him getting really frustrated- he forgot to get fries.......finally he came out.....with two plates....on them were a piece of chicken and coleslaw......then he took out blackpepper gravy and two bottles of wine and sparkling grape juice........(can u believe it? he cooked everything....well of course his mom is aunt doris la)
he took the wine opener and tried to screw it into the cork but while he was doing so.....one of the handle broke...........and then the other.....so the only way to take out the cork was to pull it out........when he pulled........the screwdriver part broke and got stuck in the cork.....
by this time.....kerry was looking embarrased and nervous and frustrated......to me, it was really funny la......then i told him no need to drink wine la......but he said 'then waste my money buying it" so then i told him to push the cork inside the bottle.....so the wine had bits of cork when we poured it out.......then we ate..
and that was main course....then it was dessert......which was carrot-walnut-cheese cake.....really went well with the wine....but was too full to finish it......
when we finished everything, i had to go back because the comp guy was supposed to come to fix the computer.....and we left.

so that was 2006 Valentine's Day celebration for me....weird and funny..but definitely memorable.

let's just keep this to ourselves....

2006-02-12T22:30:00.000-08:00

starting afresh ain't easy.....
leaving so many things u cherish behind......
but all is good....

so it seems that i may not be going to UK after all....yippee.....!!
well....that's unless i get into some super geng uni there la........
myra told me to pray this prayer...:
God, may You close all the wrong doors and open the right one for me....

i know i'm lagging behind in blogging....but i'm still not over this....
the song went soo soo wrong la!!!!!!!
haiyoh......so disappointing!!!!boohoohoo!!
okay.....*keeping composure...*
kerry said that there's no point in mourning because we had already committed it to God.....so maybe this is a lesson from God to PRACTICE more gua......
*sobsob*.........a hard lesson it is.....

ooh.....my physics teacher always adds qoutes on the bottom of her notes......they're always so interesting......
one of them: experience is a hard teacher, she gives the test before she teaches the lesson....
or something like that.

i know i sound kinda in a rush...but that's because i'm in college right now.......i can't go on9 at home since the lightning struck........so i can only right what comes to my mind......gtg now....

*curse u webmarshall*....blocking all the sites i wanna go to.........
hehehe....i know what u're thinking....it's not porn.....